... but then I'd have to kill you

Warning: what you are about to read is a closely-guarded family secret. So closely-guarded a secret, in fact, that I am the only member of my family who knows it. I am, truth be told, the originator, cultivator, propagator and, now, dispeller (is that a word?) of the Myth of My Salsa.

I've been offered money, items in trade and, in one notable incident, 24-hour access to a hot tub, but up until now, I've kept my recipe a secret. I've never even let anyone watch me make the salsa, much less record the ingredients and procedure on paper, making it possible to photocopy, scan or transfer to microfiche what I consider to be my most valuable culinary commodity.

But now, in the interest of self-promotion (if you're reading this blog, it worked!), I've decided it's time to divulge my secret. This is the best, the very best, salsa you will ever make. What makes it so great? Well...

1. It's easy. Not quite as easy as buying a jar of Pace, but fairly easy.

2. Speaking of easy, the ingredients can be easily halved or multiplied.

3. The heat level is adjustable.

4. The flavor is amazing, addictive and pleasantly complex. Complex, even though it's easy to make. Well, pretty easy. See #1 above.

The Best Homemade Salsa

2 cans stewed tomatoes (14.5 ounces each)

make sure and use stewed, not just diced or crushed...stewed tomatoes contain other veggies and seasonings

1 bunch cilantro (1 cup of packed leaves)

1 medium onion

Walla-Walla or Vidalia sweet onions work best, but a regular yellow onion will do

1 jalapeño

olive oil

salt to taste

Preheat oven to 425. Quarter the onion and half the jalapeño. Place them in a small baking dish, rub them lightly with the oil and sprinkle them with a little salt. Roast for 25 minutes or until soft and caramelized on the edges.

Place both cans of tomatoes, cilantro and the roasted onion in a food processor or powerful blender. Blend until well incorporated. At this point, put in half the jalapeño and blend again. How hot is it? Just right? Stop here. Would you like it hotter? Add the other half. If you're a total weenie, you could have seeded the pepper before you roasted it. If you like pain as a flavor, you could have roasted two or even three peppers and then chucked 'em all in. I usually use one whole pepper, seeds included. After all ingredients are incorporated, salt it to taste. Be generous; salsa loves salt. Placed in a tightly sealed jar, this will last 7-10 days in the fridge.

Much like another Secret gaining popularity these days, if you truly believe in the greatness of this salsa, you'll be rewarded in kind.